Once upon a time I had friends. Girlfriends. Girls that shared my deepest darkest secrets. Girls that I laughed at me and with me. Girls that let me cry on their shoulder. They were my girls. That was in high school.
Fast forward 20 years later and the few ladies that I call friends live more than two hours from me. Marriage moved me north and my friendships stayed south. We catch up from time to time when I am home visiting, but it’s not enough, especially when you’re dealing with the ups and downs of motherhood.
As an adult and now a mother, I have found it more than difficult to form new friendships. I had friends by default – wives and girlfriends of my husband’s friends. We never became close. Since having kids even those relationships are pretty much non-existent.
I want a REAL live mom friend. I want that warm, fuzzy feeling you get from sharing a laugh over a little boy who pees wherever he pleases or sympathizing over sleepless nights with a newborn (or three!) and those oh so terrible threenagers!
See qualifications and apply below.
- You must be female and a mother. Or a gay male and a father.
- You must be over the age of 27. Why 27? It’s the age I finally felt like an adult. Hopefully, you finally feel like one too. I’m not looking to be your mama.
- You must be a U.S. citizen and not be convicted of a felony. I think that statement speaks for itself.
- You must also live near me. I don’t do long distance relationships well.
- You must have a valid driver license. If we go out to dinner I may have a bit too much to drink and I’ll need a safe ride home. You must also be a good driver and be able to pull over on the side of the road quickly. I have been known in the past to vomit in cars and I have to pee constantly when I am intoxicated.
- My friend, my confidant, my mate, my pal, my BMFF (best mom friend forever).
- The position is full-time and you must be able to start immediately. Like, the second I approve you, please come over to my home and let me talk your leg off about my crabby husband and my hatred of laundry.
- The position is also 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Sometimes a friend needs a friend at 2 o’clock in the morning. But, don’t worry. That won’t happen too often. This mama needs her sleep just as you do too.
- This job does not pay well dollar wise, but my loyalty to you, the laughs (I hope) we share, and my listening ears make up for the lack of a paycheck.
- I don’t care if you have a Ph.D. or G.E.D.
- I don’t care if you’re book smart or street smart.
- Please just be able to hold a conversation without me wondering if you were dropped on your head as a child.
- I applaud you if you are a working mother. I can’t even imagine.
- You having a job, period, says a lot about your character. Unless you’re a stripper or street-walker.
- I applaud you if you are a stay at home mom. I know it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had.
- No need to provide. It’s a small town. Everyone knows everyone around here. I can find out what I need to know on my own!
- You must not be offended if I lose my shit in front of you. You must also not be offended by cursing as I have the mouth of a sailor.
- You must be able to lose your shit in front of me. Seriously. I know you need to vent.
- You must not get mad when I cancel. I have TRIPLETS, you know. Shit happens.
- You must be trustworthy and loyal. I cannot stand it when people talk about me behind my back. Not only does it hurt my feelings, but it’s just plain rude.
- You must be truthful. Does this shirt make me look pregnant? Yes, Angela. Do you like the pink in my hair? No, Angela. I may give you the famous Sadie stink eye, but it won’t hurt my feelings. I 100% value truthfulness.
- You must also have ZERO judgment. You must not judge me on my mistakes or wrong decisions. I want to be able to tell you everything and you still love me for who I am. Yes, I feed my kids Cheetos and no I don’t use organic shampoo made by soap elves in the forests of the Amazon.
Other Qualifications (would like, but are not a deal breaker)
- Can you cook? I can’t. Teach me your ways.
- Do you like you read? I’m a book nerd. I need someone to talk books with.
- Do you consider yourself weird? I do. I need a weirdo friend.
- Do you have all your teeth? Adults with missing teeth freak me out.
- Do you have a pool? I need to lounge by a pool now and then.
Do you think you’d be a good fit? Are you qualified to be my BMFF? Apply HERE.
In all seriousness, though, all of this is somewhat the truth. I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me. Being a mom (and a stay at home mom at that) is lonely. Motherhood is an amazing journey. Within that journey is also my life as a woman. Once I become a mother, separating the two was more than difficult, but I have finally done so. I am thriving as a mom and woman…except in friendship. I clearly need help in that area.